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Transformation

As the seed of a plant grows, its buds slowly forming to grow into what it is meant to be, so we undergo transformations in our lives, our thoughts and our thinkings colliding into an ever evolving cycle of transition – a hurricane-like loop or the internal depths of a black hole if that is what you would like to call it.
While I was sweeping the back yard like I normally do these days (especially when I am too tired or gotten bored of reading), I spotted a small plant with its bud still intact, springing forth from the soil. I never knew that my grandmother had planted a seed there. Its minuscule size and the randomness of spotting such a thing where my grandpa stored most of the hardware junk and utensils mesmerised me. Amidst the light/slow breeze, it stood/held against it despite its small size. At some point, we are all like this small seedling which is just about to get a taste of its environment and of the world i.e. when it has grown old enough to help spread its seeds to other places beyond during springtime. We lie idle, numb to the monotony of our daily routine and our existence. We question the purpose of our lives. We (in my case) desire the success of others and wish that we could attain the same thing as them. Some people give their best efforts while some do not even budge from their comfort zones. The latter stay in the same place, unable to rise from the ashes they have succumbed themselves to. Everyone has a different journey. We all have different locations. What is meant for someone might not be the same for you. If you don’t get what others receive, it should not be a reason for holding contempt, jealousy and or frustration because your efforts are not showing results or, that you feel or perhaps, know, that you are not as good or efficient as others. We are all different. Every individual has a separate journey. Maybe your time for success is tomorrow while for someone else it may take many years. Nevertheless, one should be persistent. Just like the seedling in my grandma’s garden, we are all growing. It just takes a little bit of time and a little bit of patience to reap the results that you have always been waiting for.

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Hello, Old Life.

After a hiatus of almost 3 years, I am back again ready to write and post once more. Part of my absence had to do with my preoccupation with future studies. As of now, I am pursuing my masters in college, different from the one I studied earlier in. My use of grammar and English has changed extensively and I’m pretty sure I have also lost most of my creative writing abilities (which is such a shame because I always wanted to be a writer since I was 7). I would never understand how law came into my life. Many people I know, at some point, have families who are in the legal profession or wanted to become a lawyer or judge at some point in their life. Not for me. History, Economics or Journalism were my plans for college majors but fate had something different in store. I don’t regret having studied law. People respect you when you say you have a law degree especially when they know you are doing a masters or post doctorate (though I’m pretty dumb and not persistent enough to be doing both haha). People run to you for legal advice when in secret, you have never done an actual legal job since graduating and have also forgotten 102% of the stuffs you learned in class. They will try to popularize you especially in the small community that I live in when the truth is that a quarter of the world are already law graduates and many of them, doing something else that fit better with their goals, interests and life aspirations (I could be one of those).

Whatever it is, finding a suitable path and career in life is difficult but trying never hurts. Life takes us to unknown paths and at 24, exploring one’s interests and skills and honing one’s abilities are never too late.

 

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Near

My first post since last year December, 2015. It feels relieving to finally be able to write again:

 

I am the music inside your heart,

the lullaby that sings for your soul.

I am the slow beats tapping inside your heart,

The memories parading within your mind.

I am the clouds that confuse you,

The airy specter of all your dreams and desires.

 

I am a powerless entity forever revolving

Beside you and within you

Always there, always near.

 

 

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Season’s Greetings

A sincere apology to my followers and readers for not having written anything in a long time. Exams and school life is just too difficult to handle at this moment and I am still trying to deal with my falling grades while I  plan to join moot courts and search for jobs all at the same time. It might sound petty to some but for me, for someone who has always had a parent for support and relied on other people to do things for me, it really is a herculean task. And the fact that all of these are just crashing down on me makes it more difficult to juggle everything all at once. So putting my tribulations and personal rant aside, tomorrow will be Christmas and everyone is excited about opening up presents, decorating the Christmas trees, shopping, skiing, going to church and simply spending time with family. While we are all busy celebrating, shopping, visiting awesome places, taking selfies and posting them on Instagram, Facebook or on whatever digital media you can get your hands on, do we ever, or even once, stop to think and wonder why we celebrate Christmas? It is definitely not Santa and it is definitely not about opening gifts and presents. Well, to some extent Christmas is about sharing and caring. But shouldn’t sharing and caring be a part of our daily practice? Growing up in a Christian family, I have always been taught and I also believe that Christ was born on this day, December 25, to die on the cross for the salvation of humanity’s sin. This is what Christmas is about – the birth of a Saviour, a King, God in human flesh, born in the humblest of origins so that He could die for our sins and redeem us from eternal damnation. The world is blinded by this truth and even if people know, they continue to be blinded by lies and deny the true meaning of Christmas. I do agree that Christmas, as the birth of Jesus Christ, should be celebrated in all its glory but we must not forget to praise and thank Him who has died and rose for us, to remember that had He not been born on this day, the world would not have been saved, WE would not have been saved. But because He was born, we now have a choice and hope. May the Holy Spirit enrich our lives and reveal to the world the miracles of God and to the hardened hearts and those dwelling in darkness, that Jesus Christ is Lord.

Merry Christmas

 

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After Another Long Hiatus

It has been nearly two months, in fact, I believe it must be more than that, since I have last posted anything on my page. As a result of busy class schedules, endless projects, tests and assignments, my entire existence has been infiltrated by the effects of university life. I am tired, worn out and just lost for words to pen down at this point. Yet, I will still go on because I feel writing is the only way to escape myself from all the pressures and chaos that has evaded my life.

So here I am posting this little update at 5:14 pm – a slight ample of time I got before I head off to finish another school assignment in an hour. And I also apologize to all my followers who have been keeping up with my posts but haven’t been able to read them as I am such a sloppy irresponsible blogger. XD

Note: I know that’s a very uneducated image I put up there but I felt like I had to do it since it’s what I am feeling right now.

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One

We wish upon the stars because at times, we see part of ourselves in them. The way they sparkle, the way they glow and shimmer like diamonds as the sky glazes on them with the essence of the luminously dark spell it binds the universe with, I think that is also how humans shine. Humans shine through their souls because that is where the stars exist. Each soul has its own capacity to outshine another or instead, glow together with. Each soul is a fragment of a larger soul, a form that provides a life of its own, encircling all other entities into a thread that forms one whole entity. Our souls are part of a bigger life-form, a certain type of existence. Just like how the stars form part of the sky, the moon and all the celestial bodies floating within the deep sea of the universe, our souls are part of a bigger source that binds us into a complete one. We are all one and of the same being.

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The Meeting

(I haven’t written in a really long time so I wrote this short story here today within an hour. Not my best work but I do hope you enjoy as you read along.)

The clouds sent a herd of raindrops pelting onto the windows. It was a grand shower outside with trees swaying madly against the wind and the streets all wet and slippery. Despite the terrible weather, passersby still continued about as they enjoy the fresh scent of the dewy air and the pitter-patter of droplets landing on the shades, cars and on their clothes now all drenched and soaked with summer rain. Behind the glass where she was looking out, it was thundering with the shouts of raucous revelers, partying as if there was a grand feast and the constant clinks and clanks of trays and glasses being passed around the room. For all she could think of, it was a total chaos. To her, it was a nightmare. And she shouldn’t be here. She should be inside her car, her driver taking her to Hotel Cavalier and inside there, dining with Albert, just the two of them feasting on each other’s eyes while delicate candles neatly perch on the center of their table. She waited and waited but so far, there was no red car in sight. No sign of the car with the flaring horns butting out of its corners and its silky white plate. No sign of the driver stopping near the parking sign and calling her up to say he’s arrived. No sign of any message or phone call from Albert or the driver. No sign at all except the falling rain now washing away the dirt on the streets and all traces of anticipation in her heart. She sighed. Maybe she should just call Albert again but his phone was switched off. Why of why at this hour? Didn’t he promise he would meet her at Hotel Cavalier at 5 pm sharp? What kind of prank was he pulling on her? She came up with all kinds of thoughts possible including the fact that Albert must have had an accident so he couldn’t call her. Yet, that was barely believable. If Albert had gone through an accident, his driver or his servant or whoever is responsible might have called. They knew for sure that she was deeply important to him. Since Albert is not picking up, maybe she should call up the driver instead. The phone rang on the other line. 1 minute and she put it off. After Albert and now, it’s his driver. Wait a minute. If both of them are not picking up their phone, maybe there really is something wrong. Or…is he seeing another woman? Her heart raced with fury and agitation again. Well, I won’t sit here for the rest of the day. Might as well take a cab and hit it off myself. As she began to get ready to leave the café and left her tip on the table, a young man briskly brushed past her. The strap of her bag came off. While what remained of her bag dangled against her arm, her lipstick, phone, mirror, combs, portfolios, purse, everything rained down the floor. Abashed, the young man knelt down and quickly picked them up one by one and placed it on the table.

“Oh, I’m so sorry. Are you okay, madame?” he apologized placidly and she saw that he had deep-aqua eyes, like the sea on the beach when the sunset leaves lonely trails along its translucent floor. “Oh no, I’m fine. That’s okay. I’ll pick up the rest on my own.” she replied curtly. Not knowing what else to say, she thanked him and she went off. Curious, she looked back to see that the man was already gone. As she opened the door and left the sweltering room, she traced her footsteps back to where she was supposed to wait for Albert. But she was not thinking about Albert. She was thinking about the man she just ran into her or the man who ran into her. Whichever it was, his face kept flashing in her mind. As she imprinted his image onto her mind, he had jet black hair, a well-structured face, thin lips that carved into a slight U and those eyes–oh they were so dazzling. She couldn’t really remember his stature but he seemed to have been quite normal built and somehow, close to her height. Albert was really tall but oh well, who cares? He just seem to full on ignore her today and she was definitely not impressed about it. As she dived into her purse, she found out that her phone was gone. Shit. But speak of the devil.

The young handsome man from the café appeared suddenly out of nowhere and gallantly slipped the phone into her hand. She was shocked, flustered. “Who are you? Just what do you want from me?” she wanted to ask that but no words came from her mouth. “Umm..thank you.” She said instead. He flashed her a smile. Either this guy is being honestly polite or he is one of those creepy stalkers looking for a potential victim. She definitely would not want to be that victim. She said nothing else and he just stood beside her, seeming to wait for someone. “Are you waiting for someone?” she finally asked. He said yes. Who was it? she wanted to ask but she didn’t. It was better to not get too close to this stranger. You never know what sort of person he might turn out to be- their type. She observed him from every angle. He was dressed all in black, even his shoes. His jet black hair was smooth and clean. He was slightly taller than she thought but rather lean. What a spectacle, she thought. And what a strange day it is today.

No words transpired between them and finally, after 3 minutes, a blue car stopped before them. The glasses were all tinted so she couldn’t see who was driving it or if there was anyone else inside the car. He opened the backseat door. She saw a hint of flesh, female legs it seemed, paired with a bright green dress-of-sort. There was a woman inside. Probably his girlfriend. He went inside, seemed to say something but his voice sounded muffled and he looked back at her to flash a mischievous smile. Then he closed the door and the car sped off into the distance until it was no more than a dot. She marveled at what just happened. Just what was that? A sign? She will never know. She dialed Albert’s number, still startled and confused about what just happened. This time, he answered. He said he was on his way. His driver just went through a small accident so he was going to drive the car today. “I’m on my way, babe. Call you later okay” he hung up. It was several minutes later when Albert arrived but in all honesty, she was just not keen on it anymore. All she wanted to do was leave this place, go home and settle down for the night. She was worn-out, physically and mentally. But she resisted anyway and joined Albert in the car. As they talked, she rummaged through her bag to find a slip of paper against the folds of its pockets. She unfolded it. There was a number written on it and beneath it, two black initials, CM. Call me.

She gasped. This was already too much. She said nothing to Albert though and kept a poker face. Inside, she was reeling with excitement. Of course, I will. She replied in her mind and she smiled to herself, finally able to relinquish at that sweet somehow awkward moment she spent during the afternoon. Albert raised the speed limit until they finally stopped in front of the bright golden gates of Hotel Cavalier.

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Book Review on The Orphan Master’s Son

I finished reading The Orphan Master’s Son by Adam Johnson a few days ago and thought it was so brilliant that I really had to write a review on it and that too, on my blog. When I finished reading it, I remember feeling empty and a bit dazed since I was so engrossed into the plot. I felt as if my whole life had turned into a piece of blank slate. I am the kind of person who is really picky about what I read (because I don’t want to regret buying a book I don’t enjoy). I am also the kind whom after reading a horrible book would feel like raging against the world, rip the damned thing into shreds and hurl it at the author’s face. In short, very few writing styles suit my preference but The Orphan Master’s Son just blew me away not to mention that I struggled with the prose at first instance. Before encountering this masterpiece, I was totally in love with Three Souls by Janie Chang but then this book came along and changed everything. Not that I don’t like Three Souls anymore, I still do but The Orphan Master’s Son – a tad bit more.

So getting on to my main topic, if you haven’t read it or heard about it yet, The Orphan Master’s Son is a novel that will leave you desolate and feeling shocked and heartbroken. If you’re reading with the same inquisitiveness and compassion for the protagonist that I had, you will feel for him throughout the story. I love the author’s unique way of dividing the story into halves so as to show us two very different settings that took place and how the protagonist transitions into the person that he will become. To make it short and refrain from revealing the whole story, the summary of this book is that it’s about a North Korean orphan called Jun Do who believes himself to be the Orphan Master’s son though in truth, he isn’t and he realizes that eventually. He goes on to have many adventures in search for his mom and in search of his own identity, who he really is in this world while working for his country’s regime at the same time. A tragic circumstance changes his life and from there, I’ll leave it for the readers to wonder…

The pace of this book is quite easy to follow. but it took me one month to finish due to my year-end exams and also because some passages rather confused me. I had to reread them again in order to understand what was going on.

Apart from that, this book really opened my eyes to what life must be like in North Korea though I have read many critics and reviews claiming that it is an exaggerated representation of North Korea, caricatured and heavily biased and I agree to some extent. In spite of that, it showed me the brutality of this country’s Communist regime which has taken the lives of so many innocent civilians and causing fear, distrust and even contention among families and friends. It showed me the way it has devoured every sense of their sanity and stripped away the freedom to live their lives based on their own choice and not upon the dictates of a savage, cold and ruthless government. In their regime, there is no true word for freedom except when it comes from the state, the government. Why? Because for them, the State is the bastion of all freedom and the State is no other than the dictator. As the author himself mentioned in one of his interviews, all citizens (of North Korea) are somehow like orphans with no real permanent identity. They all belong to the State who controls every aspects of their lives. Thus, the true Orphan Master is no other than the Dictator himself. Pretty sinister but an all-too deep and coherent interpretation. It perfectly explains the whole meaning of the story

To sum it up, Jun Do is the epitome of every man – every citizen who has suffered, lost a kin, friend and their life to the regime. He is their hero and the harbinger of humanity who has shown that even when terror, injustice and despair plagues a society, a nation, there can still be a glimmer of hope and that it is up to the individual to build that change. It tells also that sacrifice is the biggest love, the greatest gift you can ever give to a person. This book does not only have a thrilling and unpredictable plot, it also teaches you lessons on love, identity, sacrifice and hardships while at the same time, opening the doors to a nation so many people in this planet do not know about.