After Another Long Hiatus

It has been nearly two months, in fact, I believe it must be more than that, since I have last posted anything on my page. As a result of busy class schedules, endless projects, tests and assignments, my entire existence has been infiltrated by the effects of university life. I am tired, worn out and just lost for words to pen down at this point. Yet, I will still go on because I feel writing is the only way to escape myself from all the pressures and chaos that has evaded my life.

So here I am posting this little update at 5:14 pm – a slight ample of time I got before I head off to finish another school assignment in an hour. And I also apologize to all my followers who have been keeping up with my posts but haven’t been able to read them as I am such a sloppy irresponsible blogger. XD

Note: I know that’s a very uneducated image I put up there but I felt like I had to do it since it’s what I am feeling right now.

A Dear Diary Kinda Post

Whew, boy am I glad to be on here again, voicing out my thoughts and continuing with my writing. After a three hour exam in an auditorium where I was thrown in with two hundred other students, I hurriedly filled in the answer sheets with vague theories and facts I crammed in at the last moment before entering the room. I didn’t stop but kept on writing and writing as I raced against time. By the end of that grueling three hour session, being glued to my seat and with my ink splattered across the desk, I had to call it a day off. So, I spent the rest of the afternoon reading Jhumpa Lahiri’s, Interpreter of Maladies, while bearing the painful cramps on my right palm and my delicate little fingers. Never in my whole three years of college had I written so much than I did today. It was scary and all the while I heard the clock ticking away, I kept thinking to myself I was running out of time. When I looked back at my question paper, there were five more questions left to answer!! Thank God, I managed to finish it all in time and thank God, it’s almost over. There is nothing worse than failing an exam especially when you have studied so hard for it. But hey, hard work always pays off in the end.

With two other exams left and a three day gap between each, I am left with a good amount of time to study and just relieve myself of all the stress. I also feel that my writing has gotten a bit worse after having not written anything during these past few weeks or maybe I am just being too critical of myself? I don’t know. With a summer internship ahead of my schedule, it’s going to be a struggle finding the time to write and practice my writing AND review all the stuffs I learned this year. But first thing first, I need a proper vacation and fresh air. I have been imprisoned in my room for so long it feels like a different planet outside.

(Btw, I know the featured image has nothing to do with the content but since I like it, I thought it may fit in somehow.)

10 Reasons Why I Should Have Chose English Literature Instead Of Law

1. I love Literature, always have and always will. As an unofficial child “writer” who even went on to the extent of publishing my first and only book at the age of 12, not pursuing English Literature is like a complete betrayal to all my earlier dreams of becoming a famous writer. I know I would’ve transformed myself into a better writer and a person who is not only acquainted with words but also with their origin and the ways they have been formed and created.

2. I promised to my old friends and relatives that when I grow up, I will become a writer. Who knows our interests and ambitions could change so fast in just a span of seven years? Post high-school, I decided I wanted to become a lawyer. Simply because the name itself appealed to me. At that time, I had no idea what kind of fate was awaiting me. What kind of dilemma and disaster I’d be going through once I start school; the measure of boredom I’d be enduring for a period of five years while regretting the reason why I didn’t follow my heart.

3. Law is only a secondary thing. At that time, I had the impression that Oh, you know everyone is doing degrees like Engineering, Business, Medicine and stuff. Might as well do Law too for someone mathematically-unskilled like you. You’d have the reputation, the money and you’d still be able to read and write. Well, I found out later on that legal writing has absolutely nothing in similarity with creative writing. And I prefer the latter much much more.

4. I hate courtrooms. I’ve had a few internships where I got to enter inside a courtroom a few times. No offense if you’re a lawyer reading this but I hated it. I despised it- the formality, the ridiculous suits and the judges’ wigs (that one just killed me). From the moment I stood there, I realized that this was no profession for me. I know I have reached this far but I’m sorry I cannot go on. I need to find some other alternative before I spend my miserable years in that boring hellhole.

5. The idea of becoming a lawyer doesn’t appeal to me anymore. And it’s not just about becoming a lawyer. I literally don’t want to have anything to do with law. It’s only now that I have realized this is the wrong degree for me. Had I found this out sooner, I wouldn’t have wasted so much of my parents’ money.

6. I want to continue writing. So, if having to attend to clients 24/7 is what I will have to do, then no, this would be impossible. I don’t know how other lawyer-turned-writers have done it but for now, I seem to be devoid of all plausible solutions.

7. I love reading novels or any book/magazine that has to do with history, sociology and even biology. Reading legal textbooks on this Act or that enactment is the last thing on my mind. Utterly, obnoxiously and downright bland. Boring right down to the core. The case laws are as much nightmarish.

8. I’m a creative/artistic person. Okay, I don’t want to sound like I’m bragging but in truth, I’m generally more of a person who likes to think a lot, judge with her emotions and visualize things in her head. Law, on the other hand, is too mechanical which really does not suit with my thinking process.

9. I want to accomplish my childhood dreams. My dream had been to become a writer since from a very young age. That dream kind of lingered on until vanishing somewhere during my late teen years. Now that, I’ve reached to a point where I’m saturated and have left all traces of adolescence from me (I’m still a child at heart though), I realized my calling again and would go through all means to get my life and my goals back in track again.

10. I just want to be happy. We’ve all heard that happiness comes from within you and that it’s up to you to be happy with your own self or you choose not to. Well, you can’t put everyone at the same pedestal. I’m the sort of person who is very goal-oriented and sticks particularly to one thought. If I realized I had made a mistake, nothing I do or anything that anyone does would rid of the negative emotions I’d start feeling. I escape from such emotions through writing. And when I see these negative aura processed and spilled out onto paper, I feel a sense of relief. This is what writing does to me. It’s my friend, my companion in whom I confide in. I am my own friend and my own companion. And when I see my writing, I see a part of me that looks back at me and smiles. And that’s what makes me happy.