After Another Long Hiatus

It has been nearly two months, in fact, I believe it must be more than that, since I have last posted anything on my page. As a result of busy class schedules, endless projects, tests and assignments, my entire existence has been infiltrated by the effects of university life. I am tired, worn out and just lost for words to pen down at this point. Yet, I will still go on because I feel writing is the only way to escape myself from all the pressures and chaos that has evaded my life.

So here I am posting this little update at 5:14 pm – a slight ample of time I got before I head off to finish another school assignment in an hour. And I also apologize to all my followers who have been keeping up with my posts but haven’t been able to read them as I am such a sloppy irresponsible blogger. XD

Note: I know that’s a very uneducated image I put up there but I felt like I had to do it since it’s what I am feeling right now.

A Dear Diary Kinda Post

Whew, boy am I glad to be on here again, voicing out my thoughts and continuing with my writing. After a three hour exam in an auditorium where I was thrown in with two hundred other students, I hurriedly filled in the answer sheets with vague theories and facts I crammed in at the last moment before entering the room. I didn’t stop but kept on writing and writing as I raced against time. By the end of that grueling three hour session, being glued to my seat and with my ink splattered across the desk, I had to call it a day off. So, I spent the rest of the afternoon reading Jhumpa Lahiri’s, Interpreter of Maladies, while bearing the painful cramps on my right palm and my delicate little fingers. Never in my whole three years of college had I written so much than I did today. It was scary and all the while I heard the clock ticking away, I kept thinking to myself I was running out of time. When I looked back at my question paper, there were five more questions left to answer!! Thank God, I managed to finish it all in time and thank God, it’s almost over. There is nothing worse than failing an exam especially when you have studied so hard for it. But hey, hard work always pays off in the end.

With two other exams left and a three day gap between each, I am left with a good amount of time to study and just relieve myself of all the stress. I also feel that my writing has gotten a bit worse after having not written anything during these past few weeks or maybe I am just being too critical of myself? I don’t know. With a summer internship ahead of my schedule, it’s going to be a struggle finding the time to write and practice my writing AND review all the stuffs I learned this year. But first thing first, I need a proper vacation and fresh air. I have been imprisoned in my room for so long it feels like a different planet outside.

(Btw, I know the featured image has nothing to do with the content but since I like it, I thought it may fit in somehow.)

10 Reasons Why I Should Have Chose English Literature Instead Of Law

1. I love Literature, always have and always will. As an unofficial child “writer” who even went on to the extent of publishing my first and only book at the age of 12, not pursuing English Literature is like a complete betrayal to all my earlier dreams of becoming a famous writer. I know I would’ve transformed myself into a better writer and a person who is not only acquainted with words but also with their origin and the ways they have been formed and created.

2. I promised to my old friends and relatives that when I grow up, I will become a writer. Who knows our interests and ambitions could change so fast in just a span of seven years? Post high-school, I decided I wanted to become a lawyer. Simply because the name itself appealed to me. At that time, I had no idea what kind of fate was awaiting me. What kind of dilemma and disaster I’d be going through once I start school; the measure of boredom I’d be enduring for a period of five years while regretting the reason why I didn’t follow my heart.

3. Law is only a secondary thing. At that time, I had the impression that Oh, you know everyone is doing degrees like Engineering, Business, Medicine and stuff. Might as well do Law too for someone mathematically-unskilled like you. You’d have the reputation, the money and you’d still be able to read and write. Well, I found out later on that legal writing has absolutely nothing in similarity with creative writing. And I prefer the latter much much more.

4. I hate courtrooms. I’ve had a few internships where I got to enter inside a courtroom a few times. No offense if you’re a lawyer reading this but I hated it. I despised it- the formality, the ridiculous suits and the judges’ wigs (that one just killed me). From the moment I stood there, I realized that this was no profession for me. I know I have reached this far but I’m sorry I cannot go on. I need to find some other alternative before I spend my miserable years in that boring hellhole.

5. The idea of becoming a lawyer doesn’t appeal to me anymore. And it’s not just about becoming a lawyer. I literally don’t want to have anything to do with law. It’s only now that I have realized this is the wrong degree for me. Had I found this out sooner, I wouldn’t have wasted so much of my parents’ money.

6. I want to continue writing. So, if having to attend to clients 24/7 is what I will have to do, then no, this would be impossible. I don’t know how other lawyer-turned-writers have done it but for now, I seem to be devoid of all plausible solutions.

7. I love reading novels or any book/magazine that has to do with history, sociology and even biology. Reading legal textbooks on this Act or that enactment is the last thing on my mind. Utterly, obnoxiously and downright bland. Boring right down to the core. The case laws are as much nightmarish.

8. I’m a creative/artistic person. Okay, I don’t want to sound like I’m bragging but in truth, I’m generally more of a person who likes to think a lot, judge with her emotions and visualize things in her head. Law, on the other hand, is too mechanical which really does not suit with my thinking process.

9. I want to accomplish my childhood dreams. My dream had been to become a writer since from a very young age. That dream kind of lingered on until vanishing somewhere during my late teen years. Now that, I’ve reached to a point where I’m saturated and have left all traces of adolescence from me (I’m still a child at heart though), I realized my calling again and would go through all means to get my life and my goals back in track again.

10. I just want to be happy. We’ve all heard that happiness comes from within you and that it’s up to you to be happy with your own self or you choose not to. Well, you can’t put everyone at the same pedestal. I’m the sort of person who is very goal-oriented and sticks particularly to one thought. If I realized I had made a mistake, nothing I do or anything that anyone does would rid of the negative emotions I’d start feeling. I escape from such emotions through writing. And when I see these negative aura processed and spilled out onto paper, I feel a sense of relief. This is what writing does to me. It’s my friend, my companion in whom I confide in. I am my own friend and my own companion. And when I see my writing, I see a part of me that looks back at me and smiles. And that’s what makes me happy.

Just Another Rant-Of-Sorts

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Finding the time to write my blog is painstakingly difficult. By the end of the day, I’m just so worn out, too exhausted to do anything except lie on my bed and go to sleep. The past week has been monotonous, going back and forth from college to home, flipping through pages of my thick textbooks or trimming through bundles of stained yellow papers and old assignments in preparation for my impending exam next month. I wonder how different work life would be from uni life once I’m finally out of this lame tedious routine. Sometimes, all I just want to do is pack my suitcase, leave this miserable place and fly off somewhere, to travel and see the world. However, my current situation totally prevents me from taking such an action. With the surmounting tuition fees that increase every year and the fact that I am halfway through getting my degree, it would be the stupidest decision to quit and start over with a different degree. I’d rather not plunge into that. And so, I’ll toil and labor for another two and half years, in preparation for a world I have no intention to be a part of.

Sometimes, I think in my heart that law school must be the biggest mistake of my life. It’s a constant debate of my own, an ensuing argument that takes place inside my own conscience. I don’t see myself as that fearsome, artful litigator, taking her stand in the courtroom in front of the judges and jury, and is so exceptionally skilled and persuasive in her words that she even leaves her opponent speechlessly impressed. I am a person of few words. I am, in other words, someone who enjoys communicating through writing, like what I am doing right now.

Back to Square One

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After a tremendously long two-year hiatus from blogging, I am relieved to be finally back and totally thrilled to post my opinions, photos and writing prose here once again. Two years is quite an extensive gap and I just realized how much I have changed throughout this huge span of time. I also realized that I’ve run out of my usual creative juices, owing to my spending of two and a half years reading bland, tedious legal books and essays.

Some people may disagree but I honestly believe that reading legal work is dreary task and sucks out one’s energy at the end of the day. After going through pages of some will, you feel completely drained out and don’t feel like continuing anymore. But there’s no other option because you have to do it anyway. It’s like reading a telephone bill or being forced to count the number of grains in a sack, if it could be anything worse than that.

Turning through pages of a Constitutional Law textbook or Jurisprudence is a whole different experience though as so much of it relates to philosophical ideologies and linking their relations with legal theories. The conglomeration of so many vast and extensive ideas and theories is fascinating. In fact, the fundamental of law originates from philosophy itself. (I bet you already know.)

On the good side, it’s wonderful to immerse oneself in the study of law. You get to learn so many new concepts, terminologies and ideas that a normal humanities degree might not offer. And of course, it trains you to become a lawyer or any position in the legal field. On the bad side, it’s totally pointless for a literary enthusiast and creative writer, desiring to make a name for herself but just can’t anymore because she has run out of ideas to write a nice story or poem. Sad story, indeed.

I know it was dreadfully boring reading this. Check out my older works if you want more inspiration. I just don’t have enough ideas to put forth yet.