Hello, Old Life.

After a hiatus of almost 3 years, I am back again ready to write and post once more. Part of my absence had to do with my preoccupation with future studies. As of now, I am pursuing my masters in college, different from the one I studied earlier in. My use of grammar and English has changed extensively and I’m pretty sure I have also lost most of my creative writing abilities (which is such a shame because I always wanted to be a writer since I was 7). I would never understand how law came into my life. Many people I know, at some point, have families who are in the legal profession or wanted to become a lawyer or judge at some point in their life. Not for me. History, Economics or Journalism were my plans for college majors but fate had something different in store. I don’t regret having studied law. People respect you when you say you have a law degree especially when they know you are doing a masters or post doctorate (though I’m pretty dumb and not persistent enough to be doing both haha). People run to you for legal advice when in secret, you have never done an actual legal job since graduating and have also forgotten 102% of the stuffs you learned in class. They will try to popularize you especially in the small community that I live in when the truth is that a quarter of the world are already law graduates and many of them, doing something else that fit better with their goals, interests and life aspirations (I could be one of those).

Whatever it is, finding a suitable path and career in life is difficult but trying never hurts. Life takes us to unknown paths and at 24, exploring one’s interests and skills and honing one’s abilities are never too late.

 

Season’s Greetings

A sincere apology to my followers and readers for not having written anything in a long time. Exams and school life is just too difficult to handle at this moment and I am still trying to deal with my falling grades while I  plan to join moot courts and search for jobs all at the same time. It might sound petty to some but for me, for someone who has always had a parent for support and relied on other people to do things for me, it really is a herculean task. And the fact that all of these are just crashing down on me makes it more difficult to juggle everything all at once. So putting my tribulations and personal rant aside, tomorrow will be Christmas and everyone is excited about opening up presents, decorating the Christmas trees, shopping, skiing, going to church and simply spending time with family. While we are all busy celebrating, shopping, visiting awesome places, taking selfies and posting them on Instagram, Facebook or on whatever digital media you can get your hands on, do we ever, or even once, stop to think and wonder why we celebrate Christmas? It is definitely not Santa and it is definitely not about opening gifts and presents. Well, to some extent Christmas is about sharing and caring. But shouldn’t sharing and caring be a part of our daily practice? Growing up in a Christian family, I have always been taught and I also believe that Christ was born on this day, December 25, to die on the cross for the salvation of humanity’s sin. This is what Christmas is about – the birth of a Saviour, a King, God in human flesh, born in the humblest of origins so that He could die for our sins and redeem us from eternal damnation. The world is blinded by this truth and even if people know, they continue to be blinded by lies and deny the true meaning of Christmas. I do agree that Christmas, as the birth of Jesus Christ, should be celebrated in all its glory but we must not forget to praise and thank Him who has died and rose for us, to remember that had He not been born on this day, the world would not have been saved, WE would not have been saved. But because He was born, we now have a choice and hope. May the Holy Spirit enrich our lives and reveal to the world the miracles of God and to the hardened hearts and those dwelling in darkness, that Jesus Christ is Lord.

Merry Christmas

 

Photographs

Leftovers of last night’s party scattered on the floor

Grandma’s old dress hanging by a hook inside the closet

Photographs of old friends stowed inside a chest, rotting

Away like the memories fading off from my mind.

People with funny hats, children with flashy grins

Twinkling bright eyes, forever smiling into the camera,

Their movements always still. A birthday party at a friend’s house,

Spring carnivals filled with colors and game shows and dances and

Trips to museums; everyday activities inside a bright small classroom.

A teacher standing by the board, silent students listening,

Their eyes all following the movement of his hands.

At the cafeteria, at the hallway, at the library, at the playground –

Dozens and dozens neatly placed inside an album.

Dozens and dozens – only scenes remembered vaguely.

Faces I used to know, laughed with and cried with; faces I used to

Dream of and liked for years; faces that still remain clinging

From the edge of my memory, slowly letting go as the years

Pass by. Childhood friends, high school crushes, best friends and

Friendly neighbors – Life separates them into different directions,

Without them knowing why. Life leads us on – each one to his own

Destiny, leaving memories to falter and trails on the dusty path.

– I.K.

A New Season, A New Beginning, A Fresh Start

The flowers have bloomed, their petals dancing delicately against the warm flowing breeze. The emerald leaves spring forth from their sturdy branches, painting shadows on the soft brown earth.  The sparrows sing their songs in the morning, their gleeful melody trailing along swirling pathways and colorful gardens. The first signs of Spring are here – a symbol of birth, a time for a new beginning.

In our lives, we may go through perilous journeys, fighting monsters and demons of the material world, battling obstacles as we tread deeper into the shadows. However, all is not darkness if we believe in the power of faith. There will always be light at the end of the tunnel. Darkness exists because there is light. Where there is light, there is no darkness. Light is the oxymoron to darkness. Light is our flaming torch, our weapon to defeat the darkness. Light is hope, faith and anticipation. Darkness is misery, despair and anguish.

Cast the darkness of your heart away and let this be a new beginning. Invigorate yourself with positive vibes; remove the past from your conscience and do not let it be a daily reminder of your anguish and regrets.  Do not let your fears and doubts pull you down or stop you from heading towards where you are set to arrive at.

A new journey awaits you- a journey towards a future, to which there is no answer but to which, once must possess a sense of hope and, a thrill of adventure in encountering it. Just as how the season of  Spring brings forth a time for rebirth, fill your mind with a freshness, like that of the lucid purity of freshly laden snow or of rich flowing water streaming in abundance as it glitters in tiny bright crystals beneath the calm soothing sunshine.

10 Reasons Why I Should Have Chose English Literature Instead Of Law

1. I love Literature, always have and always will. As an unofficial child “writer” who even went on to the extent of publishing my first and only book at the age of 12, not pursuing English Literature is like a complete betrayal to all my earlier dreams of becoming a famous writer. I know I would’ve transformed myself into a better writer and a person who is not only acquainted with words but also with their origin and the ways they have been formed and created.

2. I promised to my old friends and relatives that when I grow up, I will become a writer. Who knows our interests and ambitions could change so fast in just a span of seven years? Post high-school, I decided I wanted to become a lawyer. Simply because the name itself appealed to me. At that time, I had no idea what kind of fate was awaiting me. What kind of dilemma and disaster I’d be going through once I start school; the measure of boredom I’d be enduring for a period of five years while regretting the reason why I didn’t follow my heart.

3. Law is only a secondary thing. At that time, I had the impression that Oh, you know everyone is doing degrees like Engineering, Business, Medicine and stuff. Might as well do Law too for someone mathematically-unskilled like you. You’d have the reputation, the money and you’d still be able to read and write. Well, I found out later on that legal writing has absolutely nothing in similarity with creative writing. And I prefer the latter much much more.

4. I hate courtrooms. I’ve had a few internships where I got to enter inside a courtroom a few times. No offense if you’re a lawyer reading this but I hated it. I despised it- the formality, the ridiculous suits and the judges’ wigs (that one just killed me). From the moment I stood there, I realized that this was no profession for me. I know I have reached this far but I’m sorry I cannot go on. I need to find some other alternative before I spend my miserable years in that boring hellhole.

5. The idea of becoming a lawyer doesn’t appeal to me anymore. And it’s not just about becoming a lawyer. I literally don’t want to have anything to do with law. It’s only now that I have realized this is the wrong degree for me. Had I found this out sooner, I wouldn’t have wasted so much of my parents’ money.

6. I want to continue writing. So, if having to attend to clients 24/7 is what I will have to do, then no, this would be impossible. I don’t know how other lawyer-turned-writers have done it but for now, I seem to be devoid of all plausible solutions.

7. I love reading novels or any book/magazine that has to do with history, sociology and even biology. Reading legal textbooks on this Act or that enactment is the last thing on my mind. Utterly, obnoxiously and downright bland. Boring right down to the core. The case laws are as much nightmarish.

8. I’m a creative/artistic person. Okay, I don’t want to sound like I’m bragging but in truth, I’m generally more of a person who likes to think a lot, judge with her emotions and visualize things in her head. Law, on the other hand, is too mechanical which really does not suit with my thinking process.

9. I want to accomplish my childhood dreams. My dream had been to become a writer since from a very young age. That dream kind of lingered on until vanishing somewhere during my late teen years. Now that, I’ve reached to a point where I’m saturated and have left all traces of adolescence from me (I’m still a child at heart though), I realized my calling again and would go through all means to get my life and my goals back in track again.

10. I just want to be happy. We’ve all heard that happiness comes from within you and that it’s up to you to be happy with your own self or you choose not to. Well, you can’t put everyone at the same pedestal. I’m the sort of person who is very goal-oriented and sticks particularly to one thought. If I realized I had made a mistake, nothing I do or anything that anyone does would rid of the negative emotions I’d start feeling. I escape from such emotions through writing. And when I see these negative aura processed and spilled out onto paper, I feel a sense of relief. This is what writing does to me. It’s my friend, my companion in whom I confide in. I am my own friend and my own companion. And when I see my writing, I see a part of me that looks back at me and smiles. And that’s what makes me happy.

Solitude Within A Solitude

Nothing feels more mentally agonizing and rueful than the feeling of loneliness. I’ve walked throughout the twenty years of my life with it, bearing it like a stone covered beneath my heart. One of the very first feelings I felt as a child was of being lonely.

It was the feeling of being abandoned when I waited for my grandfather to pick me up after everyone else have left school for their home. It was the strong bulging pain in my throat when my parents boarded the plane without me. It was the betrayal I felt after being forgotten by a friend I trusted and valued so much. It was being excluded in everything people did and everywhere people went to. It was of being distant and oblivious to the chaos of 3 am parties, alcohol and teenage sex. It was the high school cafeteria thrumming with laughter and shouts and I, sitting alone at the corner of the library, as I silently observe.

It was the feeling of entering into a world I was a stranger to, a harsh perilous place I was yet to get accustomed to. It was longing the presence of my loved ones when all there stood before me was the darkness and the cold, brooding emptiness.

It was missing those good yet short memories that passed by, which have left me now in the abysmal circle of void and confusion. It was missing my old self, longing to return to a past that’ll never come back.

But time moves forward and I had no option but to follow its obscure path.

Loneliness was I, in a world that was so full of people but where I still felt like a pathless wanderer, moving from home to home, like a soul with no body.

Turning A New Chapter In Life (pt.2)

Who are you?

Turning through the pages of my book of life, I observe and reminisce about how much times have changed. I look back at the experiences that have shaped me throughout my life into becoming who I am today. The quote, “Who am I is an answer to which there is no clear answer” rings true to my ears. I do not know where fate continues to take me at this moment. However, I do believe that our actions and decisions in life significantly control the paths of our destiny. We make who we are, as people with purposes, treading through an unpredictable journey that’s called life, although there are circumstances beyond our control that fall on us in times we least expect them to happen.

I, for one, have been fortunate enough to not face anything too dramatically tragic, only by the grace of God. Despite not being too religious myself, I believe there are some things such as our moral behavior and lifestyles that later on, reflect the events we encounter. Yet when there are instances such as death and accidents happening, in that case, how can one’s actions be blamed? This is when fate comes into the picture. I guess fate is synonymous with luck. We can never accurately predict the future due to its outcomes. Therefore, I believe that destiny is bigger than what one might think. I believe in the fact that we are all part of a fate that intertwines every single individual together, that we are millions of souls woven together in an ever-revolving cycle of chances and dreams. We are small minute beings in a world that is larger and more expansive than the depth of the universe- that there is more to reality, another life beyond death and where life is only a small stop to a long journey ahead.

In my opinion, turning a new chapter in life means carefully choosing the steps of one’s destiny. According to me, it means choosing my decisions and dealing with their outcomes even if they were not how I expected them to turn out. It means taking every opportunity as they come and to not miss out on anything, lest, I dread and regret later on in life. In other words, it means living as if I’ll die tomorrow and as if the sunset on the horizon will never descend.

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Just Another Rant-Of-Sorts

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Finding the time to write my blog is painstakingly difficult. By the end of the day, I’m just so worn out, too exhausted to do anything except lie on my bed and go to sleep. The past week has been monotonous, going back and forth from college to home, flipping through pages of my thick textbooks or trimming through bundles of stained yellow papers and old assignments in preparation for my impending exam next month. I wonder how different work life would be from uni life once I’m finally out of this lame tedious routine. Sometimes, all I just want to do is pack my suitcase, leave this miserable place and fly off somewhere, to travel and see the world. However, my current situation totally prevents me from taking such an action. With the surmounting tuition fees that increase every year and the fact that I am halfway through getting my degree, it would be the stupidest decision to quit and start over with a different degree. I’d rather not plunge into that. And so, I’ll toil and labor for another two and half years, in preparation for a world I have no intention to be a part of.

Sometimes, I think in my heart that law school must be the biggest mistake of my life. It’s a constant debate of my own, an ensuing argument that takes place inside my own conscience. I don’t see myself as that fearsome, artful litigator, taking her stand in the courtroom in front of the judges and jury, and is so exceptionally skilled and persuasive in her words that she even leaves her opponent speechlessly impressed. I am a person of few words. I am, in other words, someone who enjoys communicating through writing, like what I am doing right now.

Turning A New Chapter In Life (pt.1)

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I can’t believe I finally made it and I’m here, typing out my first post for 2015. Life has been a busy road for the past one year. And these past nine days since the first rays of dawn in 2015 shone bright through my curtain as it spills softly on my white bedroom wall, I just realized how much has transpired up to now. Sometimes, it is easy to forget about the little things that happen in our lives, of small gifts we do not consider too great. But it is these small gifts that become a bigger part of our lives.

For one thing, I believe one of these gifts is my family. For those who have lost a loved one or even their family at some point in their lives, I feel for you my deepest sympathy. So far, I feel lucky not to have experienced such a situation yet but I know in the future that the worse is yet to come because it’s life. Without my family, I can’t imagine where I would’ve stood. Where I would’ve been, How I would’ve lived. Without family, a society cannot be established. Likewise, without family, an individual cannot thrive. These are the people who shape our lives, who mold and create who we are as we grow in this ever-revolving cycle called life. A family is the backbone of one’s identity.

On the other hand, I might sound like I’m referring only to blood-related families but I am also referring to non blood relations as well. Family, in other words, is who make us feel at home and those who make us feel loved, caring for us and giving us shelter. As I grow, mature and discover myself each day, I anticipate with a bit of nostalgia and dread that there would be a day I’d have to leave my family behind and move away to establish a family of my own or even lose someone dear and cherished to my heart. That is how we grow and live in this world.

But who says you have to follow what everyone else does? I, for one, can answer that. And my answer is no. Life is too short, sweet and bitter at the same time. There’s too much to lose before it’s all gone. I aspire to enjoy and live while I can, achieve my dreams and experience the life I want to live. Life is too short and I don’t want to hear Shakespeare’s ‘Seven Ages of Man’ ringing tremulously in my head as I live year after year knowing that my end is nearing closer.